In my relationships, I longed for the connection of being heard and seen. Witnessed. It stemmed from the lack of connection I felt with my family. The feelings of being seen, heard, or protected in ways that I needed as a kid and felt I didn't get. I recreated the patterns over and over in relationships with both men and women. I continued to look into a dry, bottomless, well to quench my thirst of despair. Only to feel more disappointed, more sadness when this cylinder was unable to provide. Finally, the pain and anger, hot blooded anger, was so strong that I couldn't handle being in my own skin anymore. Anger in it's true form is quick and actionable. Anger in long, drawn-out, pit of your stomach form is hurt, pain, sadness, or frustration. That's where I felt it. I felt it in from the bottom of my stomach and I couldn't see straight. What caused this anger? Not a thing. Not a think in the present moment, anyway. I was harboring all this feeling that was hitched to the past and any little action could trigger it. Sounds like a heavy burden, right? Sounds sort of crazy, spelled out. Why would you let yourself feel that way?? Let me tell you, becoming conscious is big breath of fresh air.
In this moment, I won't take you down the grief, the tears, the clarity, the lightness of the journey, but I will tell you, the first step is being willing to release. Hopefully, in the presence of someone who can guide you. It involves letting it go and being willing to let in a new pattern. It involves being really courageous to know that life must offer more. For me, it was learning to love myself instead of reaching toward all the other wells. I learned to create my own beautiful, warm, luscious well that has plenty for me and even runs over enough for others. Most of us carry around a scar, it's human and it's how we grow. But when the scars of our life make it impossible to live then it's time to look for someone to help you. I believe, you can too can fill in these big, painful, ugly scars. I also believe I can guide you to this place of pure joy by taking care of yourself, filling yourself up from the inside out. Please follow me atwww.kellyannahern.com/workwithme for 1:1 coaching or more guidance on Nourished Living Coaching.