Anyone relate to: Fear of Success or Fear of Failure? Either one can result in paralysis.
If you are honest, can you relate to this fear?
Sometimes procrastination is the symptom of the fear. Procrastination is related to lack of "self regulation". Growing up with a controlling parent can erode sense of self and ability to make your own decisions for yourself including the areas of time management. Often feeling it will never look good and therefore, nothing gets completed. If the pendulum swings the other way one can become really rebellious feeling all you can control is HOW you do something by controlling the timing of it.
Self regulation trickles into self worth. HOW? Because how can you truly rely on yourself if you are not showing up 100% for yourself. How can you truly adore yourself when you are disappointed by YOU?!
This is important to know because when we compare, we disregard the steps that have gotten us to where we are now. If you can relate to this upbringing, feelings of lack of self regulation and self worth, you can start to shed some light on your actions. Hopefully, this will result in easing the judgment and blame for this habit.
As humans we crave success, so we start to feel we would love to make a change, really take on the world and take massive action. We decide, we are through with the self sabotaging behavior and we are going to have success. This can look like huge changes and the action of OVER SCHEDULE. We overhaul everything and plan to live the best life ever IMMEDIATELY. Our intentions are good but without awareness of the problem, behaviors, and a plan to make some changes we set up for failure. The cycles continues and again feeling WORTHLESS!
Therefore, when you go for something and try to achieve, you lack success. This comes from repeating the unconscious behaviors that are ineffective yet when we don't know better we continue to keep trying the same thing. Soon procrastination rears its ugly head, never giving ourself the chance.
Procrastination shows up with small tasks and trickles into LARGE tasks so take some time and rid yourself of being held back by completing small actions and it will likely trickle into bigger action.
I've been there! I've been gung-ho and had friends weigh in their doubtful opinion that I would accomplish anything new. While self defeat is depressing, it's another kind of defeat that no one has faith in you. But that is the result of procrastination. Putting things off to the last minute appears to have a lack of THOUGHTFULNESS, work ethic, or trustworthiness. We all have those friends who always take care of biz and we know we can rely on them. While you may not strive to become that person, it would be nice to be counted on for some things.
The biggest downfall of not following through on your actions creates a lack of confidence to your SELF. Planning things and hoping to accomplish them erodes your sense of self and feels depressing, dejecting, and frustrating. I was left feeling like I could never accomplish anything I put my mind to. Spontaneity--what's that?! How can you justify jumping up for a fun date with friends if you have your to-do list hanging over your head. Allow yourself to get things done and then give yourself a reward. No treat is too small if you have set the intention for a reward!
Here's some tips I used that were supportive to my overall nature.
Start with compassion. Take your first step in empowering yourself and release the judgment. Understand how your behaviors are formed so you can begin to release or change them. Be kind to yourself but begin to be aware of your behaviors.
Awareness. If you are conscious of your procrastination, remind yourself that if you just get started, it will feel GOOD! If it it's a short task, have a reminder conversation and say "this will only take 2-5 minutes". Just do it! So often, when I wouldn't complete a task and it would come back to bite me. I would wish I had just taken out the trash the first time I thought of it. Less time and energy used on such tasks.
Be liberal with your time. An oxymoron? Not so much. Over scheduling will likely only tap into that controlling or fear feeling. So, choose the highest priority and commit to doing just five minutes --you'll likely to do more. Use the reward system and treat yo'self to better self worth! For instance, if you have been putting off cleaning, put on your favorite song and commit to just 5 minutes. Chances are you will be into it and keep on truckin'.
Do Schedule the time. I began scheduling cleaning, money management, and work hours. I set aside some cleaning time 30-60 minutes each week and then every time I looked down at my bathroom floor and thought, "I need to mop the floor", I thought happily, "I will do it Wednesday morning!"
Same with money~ every time I thought, "gotta pay that bill"! I would release it to the reminder that it is schedule into a time frame. If your partner confronts you about money topic, you can happily say, "let's put it on the agenda for the money meeting!".
Free your mind! The other beautiful thing about this strategy is there is more room in your mind. Your mind holds onto something so it helps your remember. It keeps playing it through so once it has a place to be then your mind can feel like it can release the thought and stop running around in your mind. Think of the countless things you will be able to think about when you aren't worried about cleaning!!
Set a timer or alarm. When it goes off it is your only responsibility to take care of this work!! Use the mindset "Just Do It". Nike was onto something there ;)
Use gratitude. I'm so happy and grateful I have a home to clean". "I am so happy and grateful that I have afforded these blessings and it's time to pay them". It's a huge mind shift!
Be realistic ~ don't set yourself up for failure! Are you expecting to get up early every morning but not giving your body the time it needs to rest? Are you expecting to lose weight and setting your day up on the run without any healthy meals planned?
If you think it takes one hour to clean the house, give yourself one 1/2 hours when you won't have expected interruptions. At first it might take a bit to get into it and you will want to feel accomplished and proud when you have finished. If you have extra time, you will only continue to feel amazing!
Journal for extra credit. Take the extra step and journal your way to success. Keep the gratitude train going and write down your accomplishments so that at the end of the day, you will remember that you took care of what you planned out. This will rewire your mind for accomplishment and success (read: FEARless).
If these tips resonate with you, send me an email or for continued support:
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